8. 23.1. my birthday

The 350 years of Dutch rule did not end in 1950 

January 23rd is my birthday.

I should be happy.

I don't experience birthdays as an important date. But still I was very sad. I miss Nandi very much. On the same day as my birthday, Nandi went to pick up a visa for Europe at the embassy.

Life really does have a sense of humor.

I wake up every morning thinking about Nandi and thinking, if I hadn't been so stupid and gotten cancer, we could have been together.

I know, I am convinced that Me and Nandi would be a happy and contented couple. During the day, my sadness goes away when I go to work and have to interact with patients and focus.

Evenings are the worst. Sometimes only sadness, but sometimes tears. I look at the photo of Nandi and apologize to him and ask for his forgiveness. I feel more and more strongly that my efforts to recover from cancer were a big mistake. If I hadn't tried so hard, I'd probably be dead by now and wouldn't be suffering now with loneliness, abandonment and longing to be with the love of my life. No one can imagine how it hurts when the person you love so much leaves with another man.

I texted Nandi on Whatsapp saying it was my birthday and wishing him all the best for his trip to Europe. And what happened: he blocked me. He blocked me on my birthday. This is not Nandi's style. I'm sure his new boyfriend ordered him to. I know this because when he and Nandi weren't together, he used to text me and reply to messages. But when they are together, he never answers.

History repeats. The 350 years of Dutch rule did not end in 1950, but it still exists. I wish independence for Nandi.

I know, it's childish, foolish, but I really fell in love and see Nandi as the love of my life. And I will wait for Nandi all my life. I can't imagine life with anyone else.